but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
