Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just want nice things and good sex
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
