I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
