does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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