I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
