Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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