there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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