i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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