Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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