Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
