I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
