Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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