ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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