She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
