Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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