the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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