these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
