Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
