xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
