Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
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I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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