Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
