a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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