I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
