This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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