Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
