I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
