I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
