I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
