Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
