Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
