I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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