I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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