Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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