that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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