piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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