took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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