not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
