ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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