WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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