Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
