Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
