We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
