DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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