Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
