Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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