youre lurking in front of me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
