yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
