just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know her cup size but not her name....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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