i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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