a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
