I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
