Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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