Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
