i was born a porn star she said
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
