When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize
