Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
