foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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