There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if only i could text you this smell
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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