My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
