when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
