They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
