You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
