Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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