ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
