We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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