Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
