Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
