I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
