I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
