I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
