this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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