Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
