My Higher Power is John Stamos
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
