I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
