Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
They have beer where we have blood.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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