I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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