But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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