wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
