In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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