you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
