i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
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So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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