We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
