Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Watching her eat just hurts me
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
