Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
