About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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