She said her name was "party"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
