I look better un-naked...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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