I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
